Guidelines for online gathering OC

Y’all know that online spaces can be fraught with miscommunication and misunderstandings. In forums, we can’t read body language, hear tone and inflection, nor see the twinkle of humor in another’s eye. There’s no opportunity for a listener/reader to lift a quizzical eyebrow inviting the speaker/writer to provide more context. It is harder to check in about meaning or to express feelings about how certain words or ideas landed. Here are some guidelines I offer to make our shared space as welcoming as possible for everyone.

For writers:

• Consider using the simplest language you can so your writing can be more easily followed.
  • For instance, if you say you’re a Christian but not that kind of Christian, define what kind of Christian you are. When using words that may be unfamiliar, or using words in unusual ways, define what you mean.
  • Don’t assume that everyone shares your vocabulary. Words that are familiar to you may be new to others.
• Share your curiosity and your inner knowing rather than writing from an intellectual or theoretical perspective. Write from your own experience.
• Use words that are authentic for you but be mindful of the language you use. Never use words or phrases that are slurs or insults that may hurt others.
  • If you’re not sure, do an internet search to see how the word is used and how it is received by others. If it is a hurtful word, do not use it here.
    • This is not about being “politically correct”; it is about creating and maintaining a space that is welcoming and nurturing for everyone.
• It is ok to not want folks to comment on what you write.
  • If you prefer that readers not comment, say so at the beginning or end.

For readers:

• Read/listen in tongues. (See Listening in Tongues)
• Assume the best. Read with an open heart and an open mind.
• If you’re not sure what a writer meant, be curious: ask–don’t guess, because you may be way off.

For commenters on other’s posts:

• Ask yourself if what you want to comment on other’s posts is about you or is about building relationship with the writer.
  • If it is about you, start a new thread of your own.
• This is not a place to correct others or cause them to feel defensive. If you disagree with a writer, get curious.
  • Ask open-hearted and open-minded questions that invite relationship and exploration.
• Remember that we are here to build community with one another so approach all comments from that perspective.
• If a writer uses language that hurts you or is harmful to others, invite them into a private conversation. Call them into relationship rather than calling them out.
  • Remember that shame doesn’t help anyone to do better.
  • Let them know how their words made you feel. Share your perspective but don’t demand change.
    • You are planting seeds that take time to grow.
  • Think of this as inviting one another to be our best selves.
    • This can also be seen as eldering.
  • If you feel unable to do this on your own, ask for support from a wise person in your community or the FM facilitator.

Please note: Posts or comments that contain words or ideas that are unkind will be deleted. We will contact the writer to let them know what was troublesome.